Clik here to view.
Cemetery Man (Michele Soavi, 1994)
When I think of the 1990s, the last thing that comes to mind is great horror. In fact, I can't think of any horror movies from that particular ten year period that are worthy of the unique brand of...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Cannibal Terror (Alain Deruelle, 1981)
"What's that over there? Oh, it's just a bird." Hello, before I go any further, I would just like to quickly inform you that particular line of dialogue is one of the few hings that makes Cannibal...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Morgiana (Juraj Herz, 1972)
Is there anything more Goth than watching your annoying sister slowly die while creepily stroking a Siamese cat? Actually, I'm not really asking a question, I'm simply stating a fact. Oh, you could try...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Ferat Vampire (Juraj Herz, 1982)
Walk up to anyone who owns an expensive sports car and ask them what kind of engine is under the hood, there's a good chance you'll be getting a guided tour of said engine mere moments after the...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Teenage Tupelo (John Michael McCarthy, 1995)
Oh, D'Lana Tunnell. Your drool-inducing aura causes my engine to operate at a level that is on par with the standards and regulations put forth by the Canadian Motor Vehicle Safety Act. Her aura did...
View ArticleClik here to view.
The Sore Losers (John Michael McCarthy, 1997)
Mildly thick and extremely temperamental. If you don't possess any of these qualities. That's okay. We can work things out. But if you do, happen to possess these particular qualities, that is, we're...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Superstarlet A.D. (John Michael McCarthy, 2000)
I've often wondered, if given the opportunity to direct a feature length movie, how would I justify the fact that the entire cast is wearing nothing but lingerie from start to finish. As we have seen...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Fear City (Abel Ferrara, 1984)
If a retired boxer, one who currently runs a talent agency that hires out strippers to the city's strip clubs, meets a psychotic kung-fu master in a dark alley, who would win? Okay, first of all, you...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Witchery (Fabrizio Laurenti, 1988)
The floors are creaky, the doors are literally falling off their hinges, and, oh yeah, there's this local legend about a pregnant witch who committed suicide by jumping out of one its many windows a...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Lifeforce (Tobe Hooper, 1985)
I've got good news for all of you crybabies who are constantly worrying about not being around after you die. Are you sitting down? It would seem that there is life after death. Isn't that great?...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Schramm (Jörg Buttgereit, 1994)
If this is what I have endure in order to see Monika M. lounge about in black hold-up stockings, black stockings held up with the aide of suspenders attached to a garter belt, black knee-high socks,...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Multiple Maniacs (John Waters, 1970)
Quick, alert the mainstream media, I'm about to wallow in my element. Has anyone seen me wallow in my element? It ain't pretty, honey. And it doesn't get anymore hella-mental than my face wallowing in...
View ArticleClik here to view.
The Burning (Tony Maylam, 1981)
Who kills a vengeful burn victim by burning them? Talk about insensitive. Let's say, your entire body is burnt beyond recognition by a bunch of juvenile pranksters who think every week is Prank Week...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Cruel Jaws (Bruno Mattei, 1995)
The debate going on inside my head whether or not I should admit that I just watched Cruel Jaws utilizing my own free will was a raucous one. On the one hand, I want everyone to know that I braved yet...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Flash Gordon (Mike Hodges, 1980)
"Flash! Ahhh-ahhhhh! Saviour of the universe! Flash! Ahhh-ahhhhh! He'll save everyone us!" When people come up to me on the street–you know, to tell me my shoes are untied–they invariably ask me what...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Teenage Hitchhikers (Gerri Sedley, 1975)
The open road, a well-attended orgy, drugs, flamboyant guys named Bruce, wet panties, dry panties, drugs, inadequate rapists, and the world's cutest truck stop waitress all converge to create one of...
View ArticleClik here to view.
2019: After the Fall of New York (Sergio Martino, 1983)
Riding on a crowded subway at the height of rush hour is nothing compared to being forced to eat sewer rats off the end of a skewer. At least that's what I kept telling myself as I basked in the...
View ArticleClik here to view.
1990: The Bronx Warriors (Enzo G. Castellari, 1982)
The world of motion pictures is made up of two separate yet equally important groups. First and foremost, you have the scumbags who are obsessed with telling a compelling story. As for the other group,...
View ArticleClik here to view.
The New Barbarians (Enzo G. Castellari, 1983)
If your idea of paradise is a world where every car is equipped with a dome-shaped sunroof, then you my friend will love the future depicted in The New Barbarians (I Nuovi Barbari, a.k.a. Warriors of...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Creatures from the Abyss (Massimiliano Cerchi, 1994)
When I saw the names Sandy Stockwell and Ted Stuart appear in the opening credits, I let out one of my world famous inaudible chuckles. Just to be clear, my reason for uttering unheard laughter had...
View Article