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Desperate Teenage Lovedolls (David Markey, 1984)
In order to get in the mood to write about Desperate Teenage Lovedolls (word on the street is, the film was originally titled "Desperate Teenage Runaways," but Kim Fowley, former manager of The...
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Lovedolls Superstar (David Markey, 1986)
How do you go about making a sequel to an underground classic when most of the principal characters from the original were murdered? Well, according to David Markey, the writer-director-producer-editor...
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Gentlemen Broncos (Jared Hess, 2009)
The woefully untalented want to exploit you, the exceedingly powerful want to violate you. Or is it the other way around? Whatever. Is there any end to the degradation the creatively blessed must...
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Office Killer (Cindy Sherman, 1997)
Have you ever wondered where all those energetic young people carrying backpacks are going when you see them walking around during the early morning hours? If you have, let me fill you in. They're...
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Baby Blood (Alain Robak, 1990)
In a perfect world, every movie would be about parasitic, worm-like creatures who live inside the vaginas of gap-toothed French women with killer curves. But alas, the world is not perfect. However,...
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All the Colours of the Dark (Sergio Martino, 1972)
If a movie causes you to check your body for Satanic tattoos after it's over, you know it's doing something right. Hey, you know what they say? Post-consumption bodily self-inspection is the...
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In the Folds of the Flesh (Sergio Bergonzelli, 1970)
Is anyone mentally sound in the cloistered world of In the Folds of the Flesh? I, for one, hope everyone is completely meshuganah. But then again, I prefer to watch movies where a large percentage of...
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You Killed Me First (Richard Kern, 1985)
I'd like to start off by saying, Happy Canadian Thanksgiving! Of course, on this side of the imaginary line that separates the U.S.A. and Canada, it's simply called "Thanksgiving," but I like to...
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99 Women (Jess Franco, 1969)
Timing it so that when the new prisoners (a.k.a. "the new fish") are brought in, it's the first thing they see, Rosalba Neri makes sure they get an eyeful of her reclining in her black stay-up...
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Heavy Metal Parking Lot (1986)
While it might look like an insignificant slab of concrete to some, the parking lot in Heavy Metal Parking Lot is no mere slab...of concrete. No fucking way, man. When dotted with a bunch of inebriated...
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Women Behind Bars (Jess Franco, 1975)
The first, and hopefully the last, women in prison film ever to be narrated by the general manager of an insurance company, Women Behind Bars (a.k.a. Des diamants pour l'enfer) is her to enlighten,...
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Streets (Katt Shea, 1990)
She's not a prostitute, she's a whore. What's the difference, you ask? How the hell should I know? No, actually, I do know what the difference is. You wanna know what it is? Oh, I see. Well, I'm going...
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Abby (William Girdler, 1974)
They say there's nothing scarier in this world than a child who has been consumed by the forces of darkness. However, they, the people who spout such two-toed gobbledygook, probably have shapeless...
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Dolly Dearest (Maria Lease, 1991)
If I took one thing, and one thing only, you know, as supposed to two things, away from Dolly Dearest, it was this: Don't open a doll factory in Mexico. What are you doing? What? Call me overly...
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Werewolf Woman (Rino Di Silvestro, 1976)
Reprobates ruin everything. Whether you're a woman, a werewolf, or a werewolf woman, there always seems to be a reprobate lurking behind every door just waiting to squash your happiness. You would...
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Werewolf in a Women's Prison (Jeff Leroy, 2006)
Hey, you. Yeah, you. Come here. Go away. You, come here. Go away. Go away. Come here. No, seriously. Come here. Do you like movies about werewolves? What am I saying? Of course you do. What about women...
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The Nail Gun Massacre (1985)
Everyday, millions of people pay good money to watch the bodies of their fellow human beings penetrated by bullets fired from guns; and do so, I might add, with a relaxed ease. Yet, if you enjoy...
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Christiane F. (Uli Edel, 1981)
Just recently, I decided to cease watching a culturally irrelevant reality show that I had been diligently tuning into for the past twelve years. (I know, what a colossal waste of time). Now, I don't...
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Hanna D. - The Girl from Vondel Park (Rino Di Silvestro, 1984)
I'm no junkie, but I don't think it's safe to inject heroin directly into your eye. Hell, I don't think it's safe to inject heroin into half the places it's shot into in Hanna D. - The Girl from Vondel...
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Roboforce (David Chung, 1988)
As I sit and stare at this blank slab of nothingness, trying desperately to come up with something clever to say, the scene from Roboforce (a.k.a. I Love Maria) where the female robot swoops in to...
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