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Punk Vacation (Stanley Lewis, 1990)
I don't think she had any lines beyond, "What'll it be?" And get this, she's only onscreen for something like ten, maybe fifteen seconds. Yet, the moment I saw Roxanne Rogers as the perpetually...
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Fantom Kiler 4 (Roman Nowicki, 2008)
As I sat down to watch Fantom Kiler 4, I made sure to check that my critical knives were properly sharpened before doing so. Feeling guilty over the fact that I had unnecessarily subjected myself to...
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The Toy Box (Ronald Víctor García, 1971)
What's the first thing that comes to mind when you think of The Toy Box? (Oh, I don't know, clenched male butt cheeks.) Okay, what's the second thing you think of? (Flaccid male penises pretending to...
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The Naked Cage (Paul Nicholas, 1986)
If your sun-baked, sweaty legs–which have been haphazardly poured into a pair of red cowboy boots–are the first thing we see in the film's opening shot, does it not make sense to assume that said film...
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Fantom Seducer 1 + 2 (Roman Nowicki, 2005)
Tired of making holes with his trusty blade, the Fantom Kiler has decided to start filling holes that already exist. Except, what's the point of stabbing a hole that already exists with a knife?...
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Toys Are Not for Children (Stanley H. Brassloff, 1972)
Her husband wants to penetrate her, former New York Yankee great Luis Arroyo wants to penetrate her. Hell, even her father wants to penetrate her. What's that? Are you serious? Well, you don't see that...
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Entrails of a Beautiful Woman (Kazuo Komizu, 1986)
Preparing to engage in mock disbelief in correlation with yet another generous serving of Japanese weirdness from the perspective of a feckless gaikokujin in 3, 2, 1, go! Wow, they sure do make some...
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Mark of the Whip 2 (Roman Nowicki, 2010)
Bust out the baby oil and dust off the rubber masks, it's time once again to return the clitoris-compromising realm of Roman Nowicki's Mark of the Whip, the not-so whip smart extreme erotic horror film...
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The Gore Gore Girls (Herschell Gordon Lewis, 1972)
Finally, a movie with enough horse-sense and common decency to feature an upwardly mobile leggy woman with an affinity for ecrumini-skirts. I mean, when I first saw the ecru mini-skirt appear onscreen,...
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The King of Comedy (Martin Scorsese, 1982)
As stand-up comedian Rupert Pupkin began to do his much ballyhooed act in front of a live audience for the very first time, I started to experience a whirlwind of emotions. First of all, I was...
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Track 29 (Nicolas Roeg, 1988)
Let's say you're in the middle of giving a rousing speech at a convention that celebrates model trains, you have the crowd eating out of your hand, and your leggy mistress is in the front row beaming...
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She-Devils on Wheels (Herschell Gordon Lewis, 1968)
Two fully-clothed orgies, two abandoned runway motorcycle races (the winner gets first dibs when the time comes to select the kind of cock they want to penetrate with their pussy), one poetry slam...
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Invasion of the Love Drones (Jerome Hamlin, 1977)
I don't know why I was reluctant to tell you all about my date with Invasion of the Love Drones. After all, the film features a scene where a Love Drone–who is wearing, get this, black fishnet...
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The Brain (Ed Hunt, 1988)
"If we kill the brain, everything should go back to normal." When Jim, the hunky protagonist in the aptly titled, The Brain, says this particular nugget of wisdom to his super-cute girlfriend, Janet, I...
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The Touch of Her Flesh (Michael Findlay, 1967)
You know how some movies act as comfort food? Everyone has them. They're certain films that are always there for you whenever you need them in a pinch, and, as of right now, I'd say Richard Elfman's...
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Band of the Hand (Paul Michael Glaser, 1986)
Forget about separate knobs. Why Lauren Holly?!? Why Lauren Holly?!? Why did you have to cross your legs while sipping a glass of cool, refreshing Perrier on James Remar's sofa? Oh, hey. Don't mind me,...
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Blue Murder (Charlie Wiener, 1985)
Opening with what has to be the greatest image in film history... (Whoa! Not so fast, buddy. "Greatest image in film history"? I don't think so.) You don't think the sight of a woman's bum encased in...
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Roaring Fire (Noribumi Suzuki, 1982)
Let's see, one, two, three, four, five, six and seven. Yep, there are definitely seven bikini-clad Japanese chicks onscreen at same time in this film. Oh, hello, I'm just making sure I got the right...
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"GETEVEN" (John De Hart, 1993)
If I didn't know any better, I could have sworn that I just watched the eye-opening story of a young woman struggling to come to terms with her own homosexuality. Unfortunately, I do know better....
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The Corpse Grinders (Ted V. Mikels, 1971)
The shot where the plucky, inquisitive nurse character slowly enters the ominous factory that makes Lotus Cat Food (the cat food that is causing cats to develop a taste for human flesh) has to be the...
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