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L'Amour Braque (Andrzej Żuławski, 1985)
There's a scene that occurs midway through Andrzej Żuławski's L'Amour Braque that is the key to judging whether or not this film is a success. Personally, I thought the scene where Sophie Marceau rips...
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Party Line (William Webb, 1988)
Am I seeing things or did Shawn Weatherly's impeccable nylons just go from being jet black to tan in the middle of her confrontation with a demented, eye-liner-sporting Leif Garrett? I know for a fact...
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Nightmare Beach (Umberto Lenzi, 1989)
In a Florida bar packed with rowdy spring breakers, a comely young woman named Rachael asks a boy named Skip to go for a walk. Now, here's the thing. Either I was too busy bathing in the dark,...
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Primal Rage (Vittorio Rambaldi, 1988)
In a movie filled with legginess, scrunchies, leotards and unplanned upskirts, i.e. all the things I like, I can't believe I'm going to start off my review of Primal Rage with a tangent about Bo...
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Broken Dolls (Jess Franco, 1999)
First off. Yes, the date is correct. This film was in fact made in 1999. I know, when most of you think of Jess Franco, you automatically think of the 1960s, 1970s, or maybe even the 1980s. But the...
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Hollywood Vice Squad (Penelope Spheeris, 1986)
Do you like pornography? What about gambling? You gotta love hookers, right? How 'bout drugs? Okay, I realize you probably get asked this everyday, but do transvestites with polio scratch you where you...
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Obsession: A Taste for Fear (Piccio Raffanini, 1988)
As I was noodling with what to write about in regard to Obsession: A Taste for Fear (a.k.a. Pathos - Segreta inquietudine), the bulk of the thought-based anomalies that began rattling around in my head...
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Into the Night (John Landis, 1985)
As with most people, my initial thoughts after watching John Landis'Into the Night revolved around the unequaled chic-ness that is Michelle Pfeiffer's red leather jacket. If you find yourself not...
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Miracle Mile (Steve De Jarnatt, 1988)
I'm having a bit of trouble understanding why Anthony Edwards' Harry Washello jumped out of the back of that moving food truck near the beginning of Miracle Mile. Oh, I get it, he wants to rescue Julie...
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The Spirit (Michael Schultz, 1987)
First things first, you gotta love slits. (Don't you mean tits?) What do you think I am, a baby cow? No, I said, slits! Ugh. Slightly annoyed that I found myself sitting in front of some kind of...
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Scenes from the Goldmine (Marc Rocco, 1987)
Do we really need another movie to tell us that the music industry is full of assholes? Since I'm the only one here at the moment, I'll go ahead and answer that question myself. No, we do not. We do,...
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Dogs in Space (Richard Lowenstein, 1986)
"Shove it, brother, just keep walking!" - Michael Hutchence. Since this movie opens with an Iggy Pop quote about eating dog food, it only makes sense to begin my review with a quote from Michael...
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Meet the Applegates (Michael Lehmann, 1990)
Over the past year, I've seen the stocking tops of rock legend Deborah Harry (Drop Dead Rock), Star Trek: DS9 actress Nana Visitor (The Spirit), Dame Helen Mirren (The Cook, the Thief, His Wife and Her...
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Roller Blade (Donald G. Jackson, 1986)
Roller skates, big hair, butterfly knives, leotards, portable cassette players, black thongs, neck-gore, skateboard punks, shopping carts and hand puppets. Oh, hi. In case you're wondering, I'm not...
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Hot Legs (Bob Chinn, 1979)
Hey, late 1970s porno actress. Would it kill ya to put on an anklet? If you're too lazy to bend down that far, how 'bout a belly-chain? Call me perverted and sad, but I don't think that's too much to...
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W (Willy Milan, 1983)
Standing over his prey in a menacing fashion, Nosfero, the leader of a militaristic crime syndicate (one filled with a seemingly endless supply of leather clad dandies), says: "You killed my brother....
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City Limits (Aaron Lipstadt, 1984)
Even though this is yet another film that is supposedly set in the future, it technically takes place in the past. Um, I think that makes sense. Nevertheless, despite the wonky timeline, City Limits...
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Cyborg Cop (Sam Firstenberg, 1993)
In a film replete with shoot-outs, leggy hostages, upskirts, leggy reporters, upshorts, leggy floozies, finger knives, uptowels and not-so leggy lascivious pre-coital fruit consumption, I can't believe...
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Cyborg Cop II (Sam Firstenberg, 1994)
It looks like someone is having cyborg-related problems... again. Oh, Jack Ryan. When will your friends, relatives and enemies stop being turned into mindless killing machines? In Cyborg Cop II (a.k.a....
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Steel and Lace (Ernest D. Farino, 1991)
Let's say your sister was raped by the biggest piece of yuppie scum the late 1980s ever produced, and, after said yuppie scum is acquitted by an all-mullet jury, she kills herself by jumping off the...
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