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Powder (Victor Salva, 1995)
Hey, 1995. What's with all the slack-jawed gawking? Haven't you ever seen a guy in a fedora before? I know, it's been nearly ten years since Duckie donned his iconic old-timey chapeau in Pretty In...
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The Cook, the Thief, His Wife and Her Lover (Peter Greenway, 1989)
If men continue to insist on walking around and doing stuff in public, would it kill them to at least do so while dressed the way Michael Gambon and his posse of sycophants do in Peter Greenaway's The...
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Less Than Zero (Marek Kanievska, 1987)
You could view this film as a highly polished expose on the negative effects drugs had on the W.A.S.P. population during the height of the "Just Say No" era. You could also view it, if you had some...
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Hardcore (Paul Schrader, 1979)
The only explanation I can come up with to explain why the glass partition in the nudie booth where George C. Scott hooks up with/enlists the help of Season Hubley is so thoroughly jizz-laden, is that...
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Doom Asylum (Richard Friedman, 1987)
In a movie that boasts an all-girl goth-industrial band (with a drummer named "Rapunzel") and an utterly clueless Patty Mullen running around an abandoned hospital in a red bikini, you would think that...
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L'Amour Braque (Andrzej Żuławski, 1985)
There's a scene that occurs midway through Andrzej Żuławski's L'Amour Braque that is the key to judging whether or not this film is a success. Personally, I thought the scene where Sophie Marceau rips...
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Party Line (William Webb, 1988)
Am I seeing things or did Shawn Weatherly's impeccable nylons just go from being jet black to tan in the middle of her confrontation with a demented, eye-liner-sporting Leif Garrett? I know for a fact...
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Nightmare Beach (Umberto Lenzi, 1989)
In a Florida bar packed with rowdy spring breakers, a comely young woman named Rachael asks a boy named Skip to go for a walk. Now, here's the thing. Either I was too busy bathing in the dark,...
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Primal Rage (Vittorio Rambaldi, 1988)
In a movie filled with legginess, scrunchies, leotards and unplanned upskirts, i.e. all the things I like, I can't believe I'm going to start off my review of Primal Rage with a tangent about Bo...
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The Mad Foxes (Paul Grau, 1982)
It's about time I watched a movie that is not only life affirming, but one that is spiritually enlightening as well. And, yes, I am fully aware that I'm currently talking about The Mad Foxes (a.k.a....
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Shakma (Tom Logan, 1990)
What are you doing with those wires, Christopher Atkins, star of The Pirate Movie and The Blue Lagoon? Don't you know you're going to shock Shakma, the simian star of Shakma, if you continue down the...
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Hurricane Smith (Colin Budds, 1992)
Did anyone else find it odd that a black man, a black American man, is greeted at the airport by two women without booties? (They must have had some booty?) I don't think so. Aerobicized to the point...
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Acción Mutante (Álex de la Iglesia, 1993)
You know the future is bleak when the majority of the world's population are wearing welding goggles as everyday eye-wear. You could say, the future's so bleak, that you gotta wear welding goggles. But...
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Strange Behavior (Michael Laughlin, 1981)
Who's ready for some Aussie horror fun from the early 1980s? Okay, you might not be, but I know I sure am. I've got a comically large can of Fosters. I'm wearing my lucky Akubra. Hell, I've even picked...
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White Bunbusters (Gregory Dark, 1985)
Don't worry, I'm going to talk about Shanna McCullough's killer thighs and what is easily the best porn movie theme song of all-time, I just want to discuss the A-Busters' business model before I go...
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Flexing with Monty (John Albo, 2010)
After watching Monty flex for what seemed like ninety minutes straight, I wondered if my Lippy (Lip Service) stretch f**kin' jeans still fit me. Having not worn them in quite some time, I feared that...
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The Guest (Adam Wingard, 2014)
I know this expression is a little outdated, but am I being punk'd? To go even one step further, outdated expression-wise, am I on Candid Camera? Seriously, am I? What's that? I'm not. So, what you're...
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Swimfan (John Polson, 2002)
Looking back, I think I might have been a little hard on 1995 in my review of Powder. If any year deserves to be mocked for having no discernible character whatsoever, it's 2002. Seriously, 2002, you...
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The Duke of Burgundy (Peter Strickland, 2014)
As the milfy goddess at the center of this sumptuous tale of moths, mannequins and cunnilingus slowly began to hike her skirt up as her maid gave her a foot massage, I wondered to myself: Whose pussy...
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The Heroic Trio (Johnnie To, 1993)
If you stumbled upon this review of The Heroic Trio hoping to read a long-winded tribute to either Michelle Yeoh and Anita Mui, I'm afraid you have come to the wrong place. No, this here, my friend, is...
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