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Freaked (Tom Stern and Alex Winter, 1993)
Why does Keanu Reeves go uncredited as 'Ortiz the Dog Boy'? The only reason I ask is because I happen to think that this is probably the best performance of his career. If you're wondering why I say...
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King of New York (Abel Ferrara, 1990)
Since my opinion regarding the quality of Abel Ferrara's King of New York might get lost in a half baked haze of nonsensical wordplay revolving around leggy floozies. I think I should state right up...
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Orlando (Sally Potter, 1992)
Warning: This review may contain ramblings of a deeply personal nature. Viewer discretion is advised. I've always wondered what compelled me to see Orlando three times in theatres back in the early...
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Tango of Perversion (Kostas Karagiannis, 1973)
Hey, would you look at that. This film, by showing us a close-up of a Pennsylvania license plate, is actually trying to convince us that it takes place in... well, Pennsylvania. That's funny, because...
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Come and See (Elem Klimov, 1985)
Under most normal circumstances, I watch a movie, then I review it. Done, and done. In the case of this film, however, I watched it, and then decided right then and there that's there's no way I'm...
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Timebomb (Avi Nesher, 1991)
If you listen closely, you can still hear the crowds outside the theatres that were screening Timebomb way back in 1991 chanting: "What do we want? More Tracy Scoggins!!! When do we want her? Now!"...
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Missile to the Moon (Richard E. Cunha, 1958)
According to my not even close to being exhaustive research, when the labia majora is visible through a pair of tight pants, it's called a "camel toe." Isn't that weird? I mean, how did they come up......
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Cat-Women of the Moon (Arthur Hilton, 1953)
Mmmm, black leotards pressing oh-so firmly against succulent space lady crotches. Oh, the tightness. The exquisite tightness. Those succulent space lady crotches didn't stand a chance. You know,...
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Hudson Hawk (Michael Lehmann, 1991)
While it's not quite Heathers 2, Hudson Hawk is, by far, the only film that I've come across that comes anywhere close to doing a half decent job of capturing Sandra Bernhard's face-melting beauty in a...
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Mission: Killfast (Ted V. Mikels, 1991)
If this film is really from 1991, then why does Sharon Hughes' hair look exactly the way it does in Chained Heat... from 1983? Of course, I found out later that Ted V. Mikels'Mission: Killfast was...
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Eyes of Fire (Avery Crounse, 1983)
Other people talk about movies that shaped them as children with a nostalgia-laced glee. Unfortunately, I didn't really watch movies as a child. Oh, sure. I saw one or two a year, but they didn't...
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Snakewoman (Jess Franco, 2005)
First off, I think it's a tad weird to watch a Jess Franco film where things like, mobile phones and computers not only exist, but are actually used. And in the case of Snakewoman, rather frequently...
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Rubber's Lover (Shozin Fukui, 1996)
According to my exhaustive research, the cyberpunk genre is known for depicting a world where high tech collides with low tech. And while this particular film does meet some of that criteria (computers...
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Sorority House Massacre (Carol Frank, 1986)
Even though Sorority House Massacre brings absolutely nothing new to the well-worn formula established by John Carpenter's Halloween way back in the late 1970s, it's still, I must say, a pretty...
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Sorority House Massacre II (Jim Wynorski, 1990)
I'll admit, after the mini-debacle that was the first Sorority House Massacre, I wasn't all that thrilled with the prospect of watching the same exact movie again. What's that? How do I know the sequel...
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Sexandroide (Michel Ricaud, 1987)
You remember when a leggy and wonderfully muscular-armed Angela Bassett lip-syncs Tina Turner's "What's Love Got to Do With It" as Tina Turner at the end of the movie of the same name? Well, that's...
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The Shining (Stanley Kubrick, 1980)
What the hell? It says here that I'm about to review "The Shining." That can't be right. Wait, did Jess Franco direct this? No, I don't think he did. So... What gives? Actually, I think everyone knows...
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Violence and Flesh (Alfredo Sternheim, 1981)
Don't you just hate it when a movie doesn't list the names of actors and the roles they play? Well, that's exactly what Violence and Flesh (Violência na Carne) does and I'm not too happy about it....
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Goth (Brad Sykes, 2003)
On the third occasion when Goth introduces herself to a Goth couple by saying, "Hi. I'm Goth," and the Goth couple respond, "So are we," I threw my hands up in mock surrender. Meaning, despite this...
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Tangerine (Sean Baker, 2015)
My expectations going into Tangerine were, I have to admit, kind of low. Preparing myself for what was surely going to be ninety straight minutes of life-affirming, humour-challenged, Sundance-approved...
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