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The Sentinel (Michael Winner, 1977)
Sporting the quickest turnaround in movie history, The Sentinel is a supernatural thriller that has its red pantyhose in the right place. And just where might that be? I'm so glad you asked. Actually,...
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Death Walks at Midnight (Luciano Ercoli, 1972)
About five seconds ago, no, make that ten seconds ago, a profound feeling of relief washed over me, or was it a case of phantom scabies? No, it was definitely relief. You see, I was about to start...
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The Pyjama Girl Case (Flavio Mogherini, 1977)
Warning: The following fake dissertation may contain an inordinate amount of words and phrases that celebrate the innate foxiness that is Dalila Di Lazzaro. If this kind of untoward gushing rubs you...
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Blood Diner (Jackie Kong, 1987)
Since the sight of Carl Crew spitting the bloodied chunks of flesh he had just bitten from the leg of Jimmy Hitler in Lisa Elaina's face is probably the funniest thing I've seen in years, it only makes...
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She Mob (1968)
Holy crap! Are you sitting down? Okay, check this shit out: Big Shim and Brenda McClain are played the same actress! Isn't that crazy? I'm sorry, I know that was an abrupt way to start a movie review,...
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Nightmares (Joseph Sargent, 1983)
My misguided attempt to watch everything in the cinematic oeuvre of Moon Unit Zappa continues abated with her brief yet integral appearance in the horror anthology, Nightmares, a film that includes...
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Convent of Sinners (Joe D'Amato, 1986)
Here's a wacky idea, if you don't want the nuns living in your convent to turn to the soft embraces and gentle caressing that only properly administrated lesbianism can provide, don't put them in black...
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Class of 1984 (Mark L. Lester, 1982)
Believe it or not, but you can learn a lot by watching Class of 1984--written and directed by Mark L. Lester (Roller Boogie), co-written Tom Holland (Fright Night)--from start to finish. For example,...
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Mark of the Whip (Roman Nowicki, 2005)
Wrapping around your slender frame with an unpredictable cruelty, the whip lashes against your flesh at the behest of The Fantom Whipper, the primary whip-wielder in the whip-tastic Mark of the Whip,...
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Suburbia (Penelope Spheeris, 1983)
Wild dogs tearing apart toddlers, shirtless skinheads sexually assaulting chic new wavers while Casey Royer looks on with a snotty brand of indifference, what has the world come to? Just kidding, I...
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The Boys Next Door (Penelope Spheeris, 1985)
When the two protagonists at the centre of The Boys Next Door started discussing where they would like to go after they're done crashing their high school graduation party, I must admit, I got a little...
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Dudes (Penelope Spheeris, 1987)
Some might say the only genuine punk moment to take place in Penelope Spheeris'Dudes is when "Biscuit" asks "Hazekiah" (who's naming these people?) to sing "Holiday in Cambodia" by The Dead Kennedys...
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Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood (Jon Carl Buechler, 1988)
Tired of constantly being cast aside like some sort of non-leggy nonentity with some sort of hyper-contagious pussy disease, Maddy–last name unavailable due to either indifference or substandard...
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Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (Rob Hedden, 1989)
It was pretty obvious, judging by the words I typed, that the intrinsic allure of Diana Barrows in a short skirt was what drew me to the hackneyed glow emanating from Friday the 13th Part VII: The New...
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The Cannibal Man (Eloy de la Iglesia, 1972)
He might not eat the flesh of his victims, but you might. Come again? You see, the cannibal, or, I should say, non-cannibal, at the centre of The Cannibal Man doesn't consume the flesh of the seemingly...
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Cabin Boy (Adam Resnick, 1994)
Profoundly moving, an inspirational triumph, and a fully-realized journey of self-discovery, these words, when arranged in the order I just put them in, believe or not, are actually being used in...
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Black Magic Rites (Renato Polselli, 1973)
Since my mind is still racing after having just witnessed Black Magic Rites (a.k.a. Riti, magie nere e segrete orge nel trecento...) for the very first time, I've decided to start things off at a...
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Godmonster of Indian Flats (Fredric Hobbs, 1973)
Folding my arms in a manner as if to say, entertain me, you insignificant bag of cinematic trash, I sat down in front of Godmonster of Indian Flats with the lowest of expectations. Preparing to laugh...
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Touch of Death (Lucio Fulci, 1988)
You have all heard the expression, "beat them off with a stick," right? Well, in Lucio Fulci's darkly humourous Touch of Death (a.k.a. Alice Broke the Mirror) the lead character takes the expression...
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Space Thing (Byron Mabe, 1968)
Greetings, feeble earthlings. Excuse me while I gingerly gather up the requisite amount of space-related sexual innuendos for my not-so all-nude movie review of Space Thing, the grooviest, most...
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